I will reflect on the exhibition next week. Its been intense. For now, some images and a final invite to the closing event this Thursday.
Here are some images from the opening night. Councillor Ayesha Choudhury of Beckton came along with friends and members of the public. The photos were taken by Enamul Hoque
Councillor Ayesha Choudhury opening up the exhibition. A panorama of the wall.
The past two weeks I have been thinking, talking and reflecting about the idea of the human intuition. The sixth sense.
Why? I realise, I had lost a lot of faith in my own intuition, my guiding spirit, I was trying to figure out how, and why and when. It seems pointless writing all the details of the specific incidents. I want to focus on the idea, more so, on how to get that back. Intuition is based on trust – trusting your judgements, your ideas or thoughts, and living by them – and it being the right thing by you at that time. We can make mistakes – our intuition can also fail us. That, is something I had not really thought about. That Shocked me.
Following my intuition is truly what makes me who I am – I know now, more than ever before. It has taken me on a tough lonely journey at times, it has forced me to ask questions, and forces me still to ask questions.
Why so? IN drawing, I throw myself – as an artist, into the unknown. I sit, sometimes with a stranger, a young child, a young woman, and connect only through the drawing. Over the past few months – drawings – the portraits you see as you scroll on the blog – are mostly of young children who live in the station. For me, it was personal. I was trying to regain my sense of being again and at the same time, to give back that trust. Through the drawing process, I was both able to bring joy to some children for a fraction of their time, and it has forced me to re-think empathy, humanity and suffering. And Joy, Love, Pain, Death.
I then reflect on the idea of being overwhelmed now. Life is quite intense (intense is something friends will tell you I do, by default) but, this time around, it has been good intense. I have thrown myself into the deep end – I am pushing my art, my architecture and myself emotionally. Willing to connect and engage with the world around me through my senses.
And then, I reflect on the idea of expectations- what do we want from ourselves, what do other people want from us? and how do we go about matching those expectations? Did I imagine 20 years ago, I would be here? That life would be quite this amazing despite some sharp hits? Devastation, destruction are all channels to rebuilding the soul for some of us. But, I expect more from myself than I seem to be giving. Does this limit then and destroy the idea that we can expect to be great at some point? Who decides that?
Then I reflect on our fears, our weaknesses, What stops us from living. From breathing life into Art every day. Or being able to force growth out myself, to challenge the world around me to dare to live in Truth-
And it feels, after a very long time away from it all, that I am close to living my life in its Truth. It is overwhelming, it is good. I need to embrace this part of life more. It disturbs me. I am not writing as often – I want to engage with my senses more. I don’t have time to waste it seems. But.
And its that, that I realise more and more – that I stop short of living up to my own expectations of what I can achieve. I try and conform, and it is then that my fear becomes stronger – in trying to address the needs of family, of community, of society, of cultural expectations, of communal duties. And not the needs of the soul. And as time goes on. The soul may become bitter, alone, hateful. It is hard to tell. The optimist in me dares not even think about such an idea. The realist tells me that it maybe possible. The pessimist that wants to emerge from within me tells me its already too late.
It forces me to recoil into my shell once again.
Yet, I try and push. To break that barrier of fear. It is tough. We all need support networks, strong ones to allow us to become the best of who we are, to be able to satisfy the souls desires and needs, and to serve the humanity around us.
I am glad I am once again beginning to trust my intuition, it makes living that much easier, and connecting a whole lot more fun. The dangers, it is clear – will always be there, I can be wrong with my intuition, as I have been in the past – but I have to embrace that too. We are only human. We can only aspire to be the best that we are born to be. Anything more would just be madness….
Its been a long time coming, but now that I have it again, I am not planning to let it go. I trust my intuition more than ever, and i am willing to let it guide me once again.