Dhaka Thoughts: Remembering what matters

Amidst all the exhaustion, frustration and challenges that I face in the current period of life. I thought I had kept in check to keep afloat of those things, and those people that are important and close to me.  I remember a friends and a cousins blog posts about similar topics.

I have been correctly accused of compartmentalising things – the planner in me does that ( I tell myself).  This trip, I struggled to find time for my art, time for friends and more importantly time for rest. I have missed numerous birthdays, -my sisters, brothers, nephews, mums and friends. It dawns on me how important it is and has been for my emotional well-being to keep in communication with those close to me in my hours of need. Yet, I forget, so crassly, important days in the lives of those that are close to me.

What I struggled with, and perhaps will continue to struggle with, is being able to communicate about emotions as they occur and take effect. I take time to process, and analyse, and then synthesise to express something that perhaps is no longer emotionally charged. What is important here is that I have been trying to change that habit. To use less ambiguity to talk about emotions. IT has been tough.

I am not someone that has ever been good with words, nor do I pretend to aspire to be that. Its a flaw. We are humans. I can’t escape that. But I wonder how do I make up for those lost moments in time? I cannot. Perhaps I build a small bucket of regrets and chuck them in the ocean from time to time, to wash them away. Or in Dhaka’s case, a waste filled lake, only to see those regrets surface up to haunt me again and again.

Habits are hard to change, I owe many apologies to friends and family members for forgetting to make a phone call, send an email, or a text message.  But I know and possibly hope that those close to me are aware of my shortfalls, and are much more forgiving than I give them credit for.

What is important then? Its too late in the night (or morning) to write a cohesive answer, but I have some ideas. We are transient beings, forever changing, developing and growing.   I have valued the friends in my life a lot in the past few months, especially those that have put up with my over-extended moans about the current work stress. Not sure what I would have done without them.

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